Cold Nostalgia

Maria. 14. May 19. ~~Australia~~ ~~Malaysia~~ Singapore KC ~~VPPS~~ ~~Sayfol~~ TPSS Brittany is my bestfriend, mess with her, and you'll pay. hiiiiiiiiiim ♥

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 @ 4:23 AM

i wish i knew.

Hmm,.
Well, I've been quite happy, these two days..
for various reasons, i guess.

Well, I was reading other blogs,
while I came across this:

"everything i am is disgusting. selfish and disgusting. i hate everything
about myself. i dont like anything about me, so how can anyone see anything
they could possibly like? my personality is repulsive, my attitude is
problematic, my humour is crude, my ego is nauseating. everything about me
is sickening. "

This just makes me sad, as I can totally relate to that.

I used to be happy, I used to be able to think clearly without depressing things muddling my mind. I used to be friendly, I used to be fun. I used to know myself, I used to have heaps of people surrounding me. I used to be close to my mum, cousins, friends. I used to smile. I used to laugh over nothing.
I used to be that girl.

Now, I'm just a bitch, with shit personality, attitude problems. I think of sucide at least once each day. I have to try so hard to smile, and now I'm used to it, and it finally convince people that I'm happy. I'm hardly close to anyone. I'm hardly friendly, I hate overly-happy people. I've hurt myself just to much. I reject every human contact, I could ever recieve. And I bascially hate everyone. I have no idea what the hell is going on half the time. And I swear like a freaking sailor. I am hardly funny. I can't sleep. I sicken myself to the core. I hate myself. I am paranoid. I like to cry to myself, and tried many ways to harm myself. I'm a depressing person to be with, and I don't think anyone would ever be able to put up with me.

Sunday, February 21, 2010 @ 2:40 AM

If you could erase someone from your life who would it be and why?
funny, you'd ask.

Do you wish things were different with someone?
uhm, yes.

Are you easy to make mad?
actually, yes.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
Don't know.

Do you remember who you liked on New Year's eve?
sadly, yes.

Are you going to have a good day tomorrow?
no, ):
unless a miracle happens, and theres no school. :D

Has a guy ever let you wear his jacket/ jumper?
yea.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?
yes.

If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be?
another one on my ear :D

Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber?
T-Swizzle.

Did you talk to the person you like today?
nope :\

What's making you mad at the moment?
I'm peaceful.. for once.

When was the last time you were in a car with someone besides family?
not sure.

Having sex ruins relationships, right?
no, but it changes the person.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kissing the person you like?
yes, pretty much

You receive $50 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
clothes, and food.

Do you get into fights a lot?
no, mainly arguements.

Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field?
well...
play the field, till i find someone worth it.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?
sometimes

Anyone you were really good friends with that you no longer are?
yes

Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
still do

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
closed

You're single, right?
yes,

Do you trust all of your friends?
not all

Would you change yourself for the person you love?
nope

What if your boyfriend/ girlfriend went through your cellphone?
good for them

Do you straighten your hair often?
sometimes

What does your boyfriend/ girlfriend call you?
im single..

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
i love her to bits.

Does anyone call you babe?
yea

Is there a girl that knows a lot about you?
why yes.

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?
lip

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends?
ditch your boyfriends, and meet me at the hotel room ;)

Do you have anything you'd like to say, but can't?
yes

Have you ever broken anyone's heart?
idk

When was the last time you ate popcorn?
yesterday, at the movies.

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
yes/no?

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
haha yes.

Do you have feelings for anyone?
guesso.

You've taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing?
possibly getting my stomach pumped or dead

Is there someone that you can go to in sweats, hair a mess and still feel comfortable with?
yep

Someone leaves a note and flowers on your car, cute or tacky?
cute

Have you ever thought "I want to be with this person forever"?
not really.

How long do you think it takes you to fall in love with someone?
depends who?

Is there a member of the opposite sex that makes you cry a lot?
not really, no

When's the last time you talked to someone you don't like?
friday.

Do you like it when people call you babe?
its fine by me

Have you done something recently that you regret?
um um um, no.

Could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs?
it'd be tricky shit.
but possibly, yes.

Could you be friends with the person that hurt you the most in life?
dont know who've hurt me most?

Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much?
i think it would be more meaningful to me, if it is him who was saying it.

Do you drink coffee?
ew no

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
yes.

Are you close with your dad?
no.

Who was the last person to tell you you are beautiful?
dunno.

Are you a patient person?
no freaking way.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
yes

Do you believe in love at first sight?
no

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
yes

If you could change your eye color what would you change it to?
greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.

Are you one of those people who are always cold?
when you don't know me, i am

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
either

Is there someone you used to talk to every single day that you don't talk to now?
yes ):

Do you like to sleep?
love it

@ 2:08 AM

"Love don't come so easily, this doesn't have to end in tragedy."

Friday, February 19, 2010 @ 4:53 AM

Back to school.
So f-ing boring.
but i'll just give you highlights of the day kay?
Yesterday, nothing interesting..
then there was drama, and i was with zul for the improv,
and he choked on the hello panda,
made me literally laugh my ass off.
so therefore, he made me suckish, when i was trying to do the improv.
Hahs,
then today, there was that freaking scary chick was smiling and waving at me 0,0
and i was like thinking.. okay.. smile and wave, just smile and wave.
Then i took the same bus as Izwan, and that creep, Mulianto,
Hahaa, I chat with Izwan
Geez, that makes me think of how much i miss 2e3.
Gah, but we all have to move on, i guess :\
gah, test next week, SHIT.
I DO NOT GET ANY F-ING THING.
i dont wanna fail again ):

"But something happened for the very first time with you. My heart melted to the ground, found something true. "

Wednesday, February 17, 2010 @ 5:17 AM

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; That word is love."

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 @ 12:35 AM

"Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. "

-Robert Frost

Monday, February 15, 2010 @ 10:55 PM

Yesterday,
I went to my cousin's house,
played wii,
danced and sang along to Billie Jean.
lols.
And met some other cousins, I havent seen in like years.
Went to Universal theme park
HAHA, we got tickets yesterday, even if it was all sold out! :D
It wasn't as crowded as I expected,
Though, the casino was packed,
hahahas.
it was hell tiring, but fun
LOL..
in the theme park,
there was my uncle's name on the window :D
It was hell tiring, but fun,
I bought, a huge lollipop, a pencil, and guitar sunnies :D
I'll post the pics some other day :)
(I'm too lazy x)

Sunday, February 14, 2010 @ 5:38 AM

Well, I'm hell bored.
So this post is random,
about what I'd like, and all.
Yeahhh....

How hot is Alex Watson?

I'd kill for one of these now ♥

@ 2:59 AM

Well yeah, as we all know, today is V-day and CNY.
HAHA .
At least there was not much in rememberance of V-day
except the fact that people kept asking me whether I have a boyfriend .
Well yeah, HAHA, I found out I have an aunt, whose like 5 years younger than I am,
So that was quite.. weird.
LOL..
Jeremy got me addicted to Billie Jean.

Saturday, February 13, 2010 @ 8:16 AM

once again.

OK..
Well today is CNY and Valentine's day.. WTF?
I f-ing hate Valentine's day..
GAAH.
Well its quite sad really,
But wtv, I'm not gonna let that ruin my day.
Well..

Friday, I had an awesome convo with Brittany Beale.
it was quite sweet really,
I mean, recently, I just feel like shit, I really don't know why..
It's like I'm being depressed all over again.
But, as I've promised myself, I will be strong, no matter what tries to bring me down.
Well I felt that, me and Britt were drifting apart, well actually,
I felt like I'm drifting apart from everyone..
And Vi was like Oh, as you grow older, you'll drift apart for the ones you love.
Well I don't wanna grow up!
But thanks anyway Vi, for trying to cheer me up :D
Well, as usual, Britt made my day.
She told me, We would never drift apart,
and no matter what, she will always be there for me.
And vice versa of course.
I love youu, Brittany Beale, remember that (:

And, Saturday,
was well boring as.
except till night, when I went to my cousin's place,
We chilled, and yeah.

the problem is that, as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. "

-Robert Frost

Friday, February 12, 2010 @ 2:04 AM

WOOOO!
I finally bothered to revive my blog.
It has been dead for a long time, and I'm bored,
so here I am, reviving it..
That makes me feel holy 0,0
LOL Jokes.
Anyway,
2010! New Decade, new me..
Pffft, yeah rightt.
I'm not gonna change :D .. I hope. xD
Weeeeellllllllll, This year, feels the same as last.
Still alot of pricks, and additional ones.
3e5..
is alright, I guess.
I miss 2e3..
Made new friends tho.

I hope the shit now, won't go on for the next two years tho.
Mum said she might get a prezzie.
I said to buy me a ticket to Perth x)
I miss Britt and the others so much!
Can't wait to see them! :D

Well, I just really happy for the [short] holidays,
I really need the break from school and all that shit.
Bloody hell, Valentine's Day is around the corner..
I hate all that mushy shit.

it feels like we're falling apart, and it's only breaking my heart.

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. "

-Robert Frost

affiliates ♥BRITTANY. ♥NATASHA. ♥YOUMEI. ♥LOUIS. ♥KHINMAY. ♥TAHLIA.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010 @ 4:23 AM i wish i knew. Hmm,. Well, I've been quite happy, these two days.. for various reasons, i guess. Well, I was reading other blogs, while I came across this: "everything i am is disgusting. selfish and disgusting. i hate everything about myself. i dont like anything about me, so how can anyone see anything they could possibly like? my personality is repulsive, my attitude is problematic, my humour is crude, my ego is nauseating. everything about me is sickening. " This just makes me sad, as I can totally relate to that. I used to be happy, I used to be able to think clearly without depressing things muddling my mind. I used to be friendly, I used to be fun. I used to know myself, I used to have heaps of people surrounding me. I used to be close to my mum, cousins, friends. I used to smile. I used to laugh over nothing. I used to be that girl. Now, I'm just a bitch, with shit personality, attitude problems. I think of sucide at least once each day. I have to try so hard to smile, and now I'm used to it, and it finally convince people that I'm happy. I'm hardly close to anyone. I'm hardly friendly, I hate overly-happy people. I've hurt myself just to much. I reject every human contact, I could ever recieve. And I bascially hate everyone. I have no idea what the hell is going on half the time. And I swear like a freaking sailor. I am hardly funny. I can't sleep. I sicken myself to the core. I hate myself. I am paranoid. I like to cry to myself, and tried many ways to harm myself. I'm a depressing person to be with, and I don't think anyone would ever be able to put up with me. back to top?
Sunday, February 21, 2010 @ 2:40 AM If you could erase someone from your life who would it be and why? funny, you'd ask. Do you wish things were different with someone? uhm, yes. Are you easy to make mad? actually, yes. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? Don't know. Do you remember who you liked on New Year's eve? sadly, yes. Are you going to have a good day tomorrow? no, ): unless a miracle happens, and theres no school. :D Has a guy ever let you wear his jacket/ jumper? yea. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? yes. If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? another one on my ear :D Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber? T-Swizzle. Did you talk to the person you like today? nope :\ What's making you mad at the moment? I'm peaceful.. for once. When was the last time you were in a car with someone besides family? not sure. Having sex ruins relationships, right? no, but it changes the person. Would it be hard seeing someone else kissing the person you like? yes, pretty much You receive $50 without any reason, what do you spend it on? clothes, and food. Do you get into fights a lot? no, mainly arguements. Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field? well... play the field, till i find someone worth it. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? sometimes Anyone you were really good friends with that you no longer are? yes Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex? still do Do you sleep with the door open or closed? closed You're single, right? yes, Do you trust all of your friends? not all Would you change yourself for the person you love? nope What if your boyfriend/ girlfriend went through your cellphone? good for them Do you straighten your hair often? sometimes What does your boyfriend/ girlfriend call you? im single.. Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? i love her to bits. Does anyone call you babe? yea Is there a girl that knows a lot about you? why yes. What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? lip Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? ditch your boyfriends, and meet me at the hotel room ;) Do you have anything you'd like to say, but can't? yes Have you ever broken anyone's heart? idk When was the last time you ate popcorn? yesterday, at the movies. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? yes/no? Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? haha yes. Do you have feelings for anyone? guesso. You've taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing? possibly getting my stomach pumped or dead Is there someone that you can go to in sweats, hair a mess and still feel comfortable with? yep Someone leaves a note and flowers on your car, cute or tacky? cute Have you ever thought "I want to be with this person forever"? not really. How long do you think it takes you to fall in love with someone? depends who? Is there a member of the opposite sex that makes you cry a lot? not really, no When's the last time you talked to someone you don't like? friday. Do you like it when people call you babe? its fine by me Have you done something recently that you regret? um um um, no. Could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs? it'd be tricky shit. but possibly, yes. Could you be friends with the person that hurt you the most in life? dont know who've hurt me most? Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much? i think it would be more meaningful to me, if it is him who was saying it. Do you drink coffee? ew no Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? yes. Are you close with your dad? no. Who was the last person to tell you you are beautiful? dunno. Are you a patient person? no freaking way. Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? yes Do you believe in love at first sight? no Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to? yes If you could change your eye color what would you change it to? greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen. Are you one of those people who are always cold? when you don't know me, i am Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? either Is there someone you used to talk to every single day that you don't talk to now? yes ): Do you like to sleep? love it back to top?
@ 2:08 AM "Love don't come so easily, this doesn't have to end in tragedy." back to top?
Friday, February 19, 2010 @ 4:53 AM Back to school. So f-ing boring. but i'll just give you highlights of the day kay? Yesterday, nothing interesting.. then there was drama, and i was with zul for the improv, and he choked on the hello panda, made me literally laugh my ass off. so therefore, he made me suckish, when i was trying to do the improv. Hahs, then today, there was that freaking scary chick was smiling and waving at me 0,0 and i was like thinking.. okay.. smile and wave, just smile and wave. Then i took the same bus as Izwan, and that creep, Mulianto, Hahaa, I chat with Izwan Geez, that makes me think of how much i miss 2e3. Gah, but we all have to move on, i guess :\ gah, test next week, SHIT. I DO NOT GET ANY F-ING THING. i dont wanna fail again ): "But something happened for the very first time with you. My heart melted to the ground, found something true. " back to top?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 @ 5:17 AM "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; That word is love." back to top?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010 @ 12:35 AM "Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. " -Robert Frost back to top?
Monday, February 15, 2010 @ 10:55 PM Yesterday, I went to my cousin's house, played wii, danced and sang along to Billie Jean. lols. And met some other cousins, I havent seen in like years. Went to Universal theme park HAHA, we got tickets yesterday, even if it was all sold out! :D It wasn't as crowded as I expected, Though, the casino was packed, hahahas. it was hell tiring, but fun LOL.. in the theme park, there was my uncle's name on the window :D It was hell tiring, but fun, I bought, a huge lollipop, a pencil, and guitar sunnies :D I'll post the pics some other day :) (I'm too lazy x) back to top?
Sunday, February 14, 2010 @ 5:38 AM Well, I'm hell bored. So this post is random, about what I'd like, and all. Yeahhh.... How hot is Alex Watson? I'd kill for one of these now ♥ back to top?
@ 2:59 AM Well yeah, as we all know, today is V-day and CNY. HAHA . At least there was not much in rememberance of V-day except the fact that people kept asking me whether I have a boyfriend . Well yeah, HAHA, I found out I have an aunt, whose like 5 years younger than I am, So that was quite.. weird. LOL.. Jeremy got me addicted to Billie Jean. back to top?
Saturday, February 13, 2010 @ 8:16 AM once again. OK.. Well today is CNY and Valentine's day.. WTF? I f-ing hate Valentine's day.. GAAH. Well its quite sad really, But wtv, I'm not gonna let that ruin my day. Well.. Friday, I had an awesome convo with Brittany Beale. it was quite sweet really, I mean, recently, I just feel like shit, I really don't know why.. It's like I'm being depressed all over again. But, as I've promised myself, I will be strong, no matter what tries to bring me down. Well I felt that, me and Britt were drifting apart, well actually, I felt like I'm drifting apart from everyone.. And Vi was like Oh, as you grow older, you'll drift apart for the ones you love. Well I don't wanna grow up! But thanks anyway Vi, for trying to cheer me up :D Well, as usual, Britt made my day. She told me, We would never drift apart, and no matter what, she will always be there for me. And vice versa of course. I love youu, Brittany Beale, remember that (: And, Saturday, was well boring as. except till night, when I went to my cousin's place, We chilled, and yeah. the problem is that, as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. " -Robert Frost back to top?
Friday, February 12, 2010 @ 2:04 AM WOOOO! I finally bothered to revive my blog. It has been dead for a long time, and I'm bored, so here I am, reviving it.. That makes me feel holy 0,0 LOL Jokes. Anyway, 2010! New Decade, new me.. Pffft, yeah rightt. I'm not gonna change :D .. I hope. xD Weeeeellllllllll, This year, feels the same as last. Still alot of pricks, and additional ones. 3e5.. is alright, I guess. I miss 2e3.. Made new friends tho. I hope the shit now, won't go on for the next two years tho. Mum said she might get a prezzie. I said to buy me a ticket to Perth x) I miss Britt and the others so much! Can't wait to see them! :D Well, I just really happy for the [short] holidays, I really need the break from school and all that shit. Bloody hell, Valentine's Day is around the corner.. I hate all that mushy shit. it feels like we're falling apart, and it's only breaking my heart. "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. " -Robert Frost back to top?